If ya can't beat 'em, motivate 'em.

When my kids were little I brushed their teeth religiously, bathed them every night in summer and every other in the winter (my kids have crazy eczema skin). Taught them the importance of washing their hands. Started putting hand sanitizer everywhere because I don't trust my kids to wash their hands for 20 seconds. Alas, I have been defeated. Between my working nights, my husbands job and his church responsibilities my children are left to their own devices often. Don't worry, they are turning 14 and 11. Totally old enough to handle it. EXCEPT......making sure they shower and brush their teeth. I know right? I can't even believe it myself. Judge me if you will but if they don't shower it's not for my lack of reminding them and believe me, on nights that I'm home we have no problems.
So...I went to my fail proof way of getting them to do whatever I want. :) Bribery. Best part? They think they are EARNING the money for their good hygiene habits. Bwhahaha! (Evil mother laugh)
Today I made a stop at my local Dollar Store and picked up a few things.

Yep...$4 total. Notice I picked stones that are a neutral color. I wanted them to match my bathroom and frankly, my kids are too big for fun bright cutesy things. The idea behind this will work for even toddlers, just choose your containers and fillers according to their age and likes. On with the project. I used the lettering and put my words of choice on the glass containers and then filled one with the pebbles and the other is for the pebbles after they accomplish the task. Again, younger children may need more instruction and assistance but I have already discussed with my pre-teens that they will
move 1 pebble each day for brushing their teeth morning and night and one for showering. (still can't believe my attempts at yelling, threatening and begging have left me with nothing left but bribery.)

So, my finished project came out pretty good if I do say so myself. Just a few minutes and less than $5 and we have our latest reward system.

Wash   Brush   Clean

The best part is as their reward for filling the "Clean" jar I am going to pay them for their efforts. We don't really do an allowance in our house so this is another great opportunity for my kids to earn money and they don't have to work as hard as they do when they clean their rooms and do their chores. Happy bribing!



P.U.R.P.L.E.

P--Peak of crying. The worst crying tends of occur around 2 months of age and decline from 3-5 months

U--Unexpected. The crying often come on and stops for no apparent reason.

R--Resists soothing. The baby is often difficult to soothe.

P--Pain-like face. The baby may appear to be in pain even if they are not.

L--Long-lasting. The crying may go on for several hours a day.

E--Evening. The baby often cries more in the late afternoon or evening.

November is national Period of Purple Crying awareness month. Purple is not refering to the color but it is an acronym for the above. Check out all the info at purplecrying.info there's tons of fantastic info on there. What's normal, what's not. Suggestions for soothing your fussy baby. My favorite part of the website is the link that says, "How to save your babies life." I was intrigued, I clicked and I found a plethera of coping stratagies. One of the questions that we ask our patients before they go home is, "will you have the help you need when you go home?" Everyone needs someone. Sometimes the daddy's aren't as helpful as they think they are. If that happens, find someone else, hire someone. I don't know, just get help.

I was lucky in that my husband was extremely helpful. His mother came to help and she really was helpful. My mother came a couple of weeks after my baby was born and she was really helpful. Thank goodness cause I had one of those totally refluxy, fussy, spit up tons, cry more than any one kid should, not sleep at night babies. The kind that make you feel like a total failure as a mother. The baby that you JUST. WANT. TO. QUIT. CRYING. Ugh, thank goodness for the helpful arms and patience of my inlaws and my mother. Thank goodness they had the good sense to send me out, away, and down for a nap. I had no idea what the Period of Purple Crying was back then but I'm positive now that we were in it. It was purple all around. I was purple, she was purple we were just one big egg plant. Don't be an egg plant. It's not a pretty color. Not on me or on my baby girl anyhow.

The good news is, I'm not a failure as a mother. Not because of that anyhow. I love my daughter more than life itself. The Purple time of our life was short and painful and it's over. It's another one of those times that I told myself "this too shall pass" and it did. You are a woman. You are a mother. You are strong and capable and you can do anything. Take it one day at a time. One hour or one minute. Remind yourself of your worth and the worth of your child. Hold onto the love you have for that baby.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear!

Our Little's are good at so many things but don't you think sometimes they need a disclaimer like the ones on our rear view mirrors?

I was thinking about my kids going back to school and luckily mine are getting a little older but there is still the possibility that they are going to hear me say something and repeat it. Yep. REPEAT IT! (hangs head in shame) However, we have encountered an all new problem now that they ARE getting older. Guess what? They have their own opinions and certainly their own things to say. Due to the nature of my son's shyness I won't tell you that it was him this story is about. My children are opinionated to say the least but usually very well behaved and typically sensitive to other peoples feelings. Which is what makes this story about a particular little boy so funny.

One of the neighbor girls came home from being out with her mom to a yard full of the neighbor boys, ages 10-12 playing with her brother, age 12. She jumps out of the car, HUGE smile on her face and in anticipation asks the group, "do you like my hair?" grinning from ear to ear she waits, as she knows they do. What's not to love? She just got the cutest highlights for the first time! The group erupts in laughter and with her brother in the lead they, as any group of boys would, begin to tease her over her new hair do. The 2 things wrong with this:

1. Her mother didn't warn her NOT to under any circumstances EVER ask her brother if he like her hair, especially if his friends are around.

2. The rest of us mother's didn't teach our sons the OH SO VALUABLE lesson, when a girl asks you if you like her hair your answer is ALWAYS, Yes!

She quickly retreated to the safety of her house and the boys continued their game of war, or whatever it was that they were playing. Their games always involve plastic weapons of some type.

You'd think that it would end there. Well, that still would have been a great story but don't worry, it gets even better. The next day was Sunday so we headed our family off to church. Said little girl is in the same class with a couple of the little boys that were playing with her brother the night before. One boy in particular, who shall remain nameless (lol) proudly stands before the class that morning and says, "Let's take a vote!" The class responds affirmatively and the little boy continues, "Who HATES Katie's hair?" (Oh crap, who's kid is this?) One other young man lifts his hand quickly and enthusiastically while the other 2 sit quietly and the 2 other girls in the room precede to say how much they like her hair. Katie's mother went to the home of the little vote taker and just expressed to the vote takers parents that Katie was upset and crying over the vote and the vote takers parents expressed their apologies and then proceeded to teach their young vote taker that all important lesson, if a girl asks you if you like her hair what do you say? YES!

This story is what made me think of the following email I got, which I loved and for a second I thought about taping to the back of my own little vote taker.

"On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'"

Here's wishing you all a happy, opinion free school year!

"I want my mommy!"

Welcome to motherhood. It's an elite group really. Not for the weak. There is a serious disease that comes with the title of mom and induction into the motherhood group. Your friends and loved ones should have warned you prior to conception. WHAT? No one told you. Well, crap. Since bad news is better when it comes from a friend let me be the one to break it to you. Motherhood causes a very distinguishable lump on your hip. It's more a growth really. It's rarely not there and the further post-partum you get the large the growth. OH! Haha. That's your baby? Lol. Of course it is. I was finally able to detach mine somewhere around 4 yrs old.
Who am I kidding? I haven't fully detached my own growths. My children and I have been sharing a bedroom for the last week while we are on vacation at my mom's and my 10 year old just informed me that he WILL NOT go to bed without me. When explaining to him that he was old enough to go to bed without me my 13 year old jumped on the wagon and asked, "why can't you just come lay down while we fall asleep?" Geez, what's a mom to do? Those beautiful eyes of your baby boy and girl. Then the little man busts out the lip. Ugh. I'm had. So, here I sit, typing a post on separation anxiety in the dark bedroom while my "babies" fall asleep. So once again. I'm not the expert at much of anything except doing things wrong. Lol. But I can tell you what the experts say and we will sprinkle in a bit of what worked for me. (except tonight when clearly they are relapsing)
To understand that screaming growth clinging to your leg with a grip that not even Superman could mimic you've got to understand what's behind it. Isn't it ironic how mother nature is testing your abilities and frustrating that she's up in your business. I'd love to tell you that there is an easy fix here but there isn't. Unfortunately for us parents, separation anxiety is.....NORMAL. Ugh. Yep, totally normal and nearly every baby has it in some degree or another. Until somewhere around 8 months babies are blissfully unaware. Then it doesn't matter if you simply go around the corner, leave the room or drop them off for the evening with a friend so you can go out, they notice you are gone. They know you are gone and they have no concept of when you will come back. Usually around a year old they will loudly protest you're leaving as they are still without a concept of time. No ability to realize that you will come back for them. Sad hu?
It is different for each child as to how severely they develop separation anxiety and for how long it lasts. The good new is that you are a freaking FANTASTIC mama and you have developed a healthy relationship with your baby. You are well bonded. Ok, so what are some tactics to use to help ease that little growth off your hip and into the room full of toys and children? Ever heard the saying practice makes perfect? Yep, best way to approach this with a baby that is struggling with separation anxiety is to practice it. Like anything else if baby is hungry, tired or sick it's NOT a good time to practice. Best time to leave baby? Well rested and with a full belly. Get a plan in place. Make sure to hug and kiss baby good bye. You can even blow kisses and wave on your way out. Then make your big exit. Do it. You have to follow through. You leave. Now for the don't list. DON"T sneak out while baby isn't watching and once you leave DON'T go back. Not yet anyhow. It will just make things worse.
I know, I make it sound so easy. It's not, you know it and I know it. We question ourselves the second that pouty lip comes out and then Heaven help us when the tears come. If it's not only too much for your little one but also for you then start slow. One of our followers mentioned that her extreme mama's boy would be entering Sunday School and that he "just isn't ready". Well, you're his mom. You decide. Just because there is a time line that says he is old enough to go doesn't mean he has to. It doesn't mean that he NEVER has to, it just means that you get to practice. Practice at home. Find a friend you trust (writer clears throat) and leave him for 30 min, then and hour. Once you can leave him with someone else at home, take him to someone else's home. You have to develop the pattern of leaving him and then coming back for him. Over and over and over. Eventually, he'll get it. I promise. Do the same thing for Sunday school. Keep him with you for awhile and then leave him for the last 20 min. Pretty soon that 20 min will turn into the entire time. Some kids will just "peace out" mom and dad and hit the toy box in a dead sprint and others will find a good place on that hip to cling onto hours in advance of being dropped off. Just remember it's not a matter of if it's when. Practice makes perfect, give baby a good hug and kiss, take in that smell of baby lotion to get you through his tears and yours as you walk away and then enjoy your time knowing your are teaching your baby a very valuable life skill. You are a good mom, and if once in awhile you have to type in the dark then so be it.

I had the opportunity last night to have dinner with some of the most amazing women I've had the pleasure to ever know. Currently I am visiting my parents in Ohio and I met up with some girlfriends from H.S. for dinner. They are all gorgeous, talented women and every single one of them is also a mother. I suppose that anytime you put a bunch of mothers together to catch up on old times there will be much talk of the children. What mother doesn't wanna talk about her kids? Even when we say we aren't going to talk about them we do. Lol. Part of our conversation went to how to build self-esteem in our children. I got to thinking about that and decided it was totally post worthy. So, what's my take on it? I have a few thoughts. I think the most important is teaching your kids when they are with their friends that they don't have to give in to peer pressure. It doesn't matter the seriousness of what it is they are being pressured to do. Our children have their own thoughts, opinions and beliefs and they should stand up for them at all times. The next would be honesty. Remember children no matter how small learn from example. Teach your children to be honest at all times. The last of the things which I hope I am instilling in my children and which I think are important are the ability to love others, love work and to be spiritual. Whatever that means for your family. None of which are taught overnight and none of which are easy.  I found the following poem that I thought fits this post well. Whether you are a new mom or an experienced mom, teaching our children to be strong and to stand up for themselves is something we are continually teaching. Do you have any thoughts or comments? I'd love to hear comments from you more experienced mothers and from you new mom's as to what you are doing or have done to aid your child in having a strong self-esteem.

Myself

by Edgar Guest

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm for bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

The "you're letting your kid eat what?" look

You know what I'm talking about. "The look" is one of the most guilt inducing, second thought invoking, self criticising things there is for us as parents. It's not the look itself so much as the fact that someone, ANYONE, is judging you as a parent. Not only are they judging you but they think you are making the wrong decision. Yep, I know the look. I know it all to well. But, that's why I'm here and why you keep coming back right? So you can learn from my mistakes? NO! So you can release that parenting guilt. None of us are perfect. It's just that the people that give "the look" think they are.
So you're wondering what caused "the look" right? Well here's the story. It was an overcast Ohio day. The temperature was perfect. The family was all in town. My parents, my brother and his wife and my children and I headed off to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. It's become sort of a family tradition. Our waitress was an older gal. Surely past retirement age. If she wasn't then life has not been kind to her. I don't know the circumstances behind people but every time I see someone that I know could be retired, like the Walmart greeter or my waitress at Cracker Barrel I get a little soft spot. It's a mix of pity and admiration just so I cover all my bases. They could be working just for fun to keep themselves busy and youthful or they could be working because they aren't able to retire. Either way I'm covered in my respect of them. Back to the story. A soft spot had been created for our waitress that day.
The first time "the look" came was when we were ordering our drinks. Coffee for my parents and my brother and his wife, my daughter wanted hot chocolate, Diet Coke for me (what? I don't drink coffee and I wanted some freaking caffeine! Lol) and a kids Coke for the boy. There it was, "the look". I let it go. I knew what caused it. Whatever. No big deal. Maybe she had a bad dream last night about someone and their Coke. Usually once you get "the look" you don't get it again. Once they have shown their disapproval for your parenting skills you are safe from the torture again. Nope! Not today. Our waitress came back to deliver the drinks and what to her wondering eyes should appear, my son quietly entertaining himself.....with his PSP. There it is again "the look". Well now I'm thinking, "listen lady, at least my kid is being quiet and not disturbing the other patrons or making a mess on the floor or whatever!" but I didn't say a thing. Just smile and pretend ya don't care. My story is too long hu? Ok, to the point. She went to take our orders and I ordered my son the kids pancake and a whole order of bacon. "Kids pancake and a 1/2 of bacon," she reads back to me. Then we go back and forth a couple of times where I tell her I need a WHOLE order of bacon for my son. Not a half, a WHOLE. (it's not like a whole order is that much, she'd probably die if she knew I had fed him 8 pieces the day before at home. Haha) The rest of our visit was uneventful. I let my kid have a refill on his Coke (which he didn't drink) and he ate his WHOLE 3 pieces of bacon along with his pancake and my sausage. Now are you wondering yet why I'm telling you this story? It's the guilt people. That stupid parenting guilt. Why do we do it to ourselves. I can't even begin to describe to you the number of times I have beat myself up over a decision I made or a parenting tactic I used. DON'T do it. Children are resilient. I am more concerned about whether my kid says please and thank you than I am over if he wants bacon for every meal. (of course he doesn't get it but we are at Grandma and Grandpa's and they can spoil him however they see fit)
I have been using this blog to give you some real world advice/experience along with the standard answers to what some of your questions have been. If you take nothing else away from here I want you to remember not to worry about "the look." It isn't possible for you to be the "worst mom ever" because that is a title I already proudly wear. I figure if my kids have clean clothing and a clean home, good manners, are active, spiritual and obedient children I will take the "worst mom ever" title. So let go of your mom guilt. Feed your kid bacon. If they ask for bacon again, then give them bacon. For you new mommies, quit feeling bad over letting your husband do the night time feedings or changing the diapers. Quit worrying about leaving the children and going out with your husband for the night. Who cares if you let your kids eat things that other people don't! You've heard the saying before, don't sweat the small stuff. If you hug your babies, kiss your babies, put your baby in time out and make them take a nap and then hug and kiss them some more. If you love your baby more than life itself then you have what it takes to be a good mom. Get rid of the guilt and just enjoy smelling the baby lotion!